Cluborrhea: The Little Known Biker Disease

There are literally thousands of obscure diseases that affect human beings around the world that we never hear of because like I said, they're obscure. Take for instance Capgras Delusion: a sufferer of this disease becomes convinced that a family member, generally a spouse has been replaced by an identical looking impostor. Victims of this awful disease regularly report that their loved ones or significant others are being impersonated by other people. Sometimes in severe cases, this has led to the victim assaulting who he or she believes is the impostor. I didn't just make that up. Please check it out for yourself. Another really odd disease that you may not have heard of is Pica. This disease generates an urge to consume things other than food. Sufferers eat materials such as paper, clay, dirt, glue, coal, even feces and lint. 

 

I've recently come across a disease that to my best knowledge has yet to be clearly labeled and diagnosed. 

 

This disease while not sexually transmitted is a mental and to some degree, spiritual parasite that has been hitting the biker community with the force of an anvil. The statistics are staggering. Every single biker on the planet either knows someone suffering from this disease, or knows of clubs infected by people who carry the disease. 

 

The disease I'm referring to is Cluborrhea and it's attacking the MC community the way Rosie O' Donnell attacks fried chicken-with no mercy. 

 

Cluborrhea is a disease that attacks the afflicted persons psyche in convincing them that no matter what and by any means necessary, they must belong to a club. They cannot reside in a state of independence electing instead to mandate some sort of club membership to the point of violating protocol as to how long a person should sit out in between clubs. Cluborrhea or the layman term "Club Whoring" is not the act of sleeping with members in an MC but rather much like traditional whores, it's the practice of jumping from one MC to another without regard for themselves, their old club and their new club. Sucka Free MC has formally diagnosed this disease as Cluborrhea and based on what we've seen and what we've heard, it's running rampant in the MC community. 

 

My name is Dr. Preacha and I'm a specifically trained medical professional who specializes in identifying and eradicating Cluborrhea. The biggest problem like with any disease, is getting people to admit they have it. However once we've identified the person carrying the disease, it becomes the responsibility of the club they're in or prospecting for to employ preemptive measures to treat that disease. Like with any intervention, things could get ugly but make no mistake about it, Cluborrhea is an ugly but treatable virus.

Cluborrhea is an ego transmitted deficiency (ETD) caused by a lack of inner peace and security. Cluborrhea isn't cultivated in the warm, moist areas of the reproductive tract but rather in the old, damp minds of people who feel they cannot be a part of the MC community unless they have on a patch. Like steroid users, they grow an addiction to the patch where the patch defines them as oppose to them defining the patch. Because essentially they were a nobody in their own eyes before they patched into a club, their identify and entire sense of worth is inextricably tied into being a patched member of a club; in some cases any club, just as long as they can claim some sort of club affiliation.

How common is Cluborrhea?

Unfortunately Cluborrhea is a very common infectious disease. In speaking to many people in the MC community, I'd estimate that at least every non-OMC has at least one person within their ranks who suffers from the disease. Unfortunately at this writing, there are no formal documented statistics in exactly the number of bikers who suffer from it but based on the promiscuity of club hoppers coupled with the inability of MC's to foster strong and loyal club members, it's evident that Cluborrhea is spreading and it's at the point of contagion.

If you go into your closet and you have three or more rags and you're gunning for more, you have the disease. If you go into your closet and you have multiple SC and MC cuts, then you have the disease. If you have tattoos on your body from more then one club, you have this disease and in this case, you have it really bad. You may be Stage V Cluborrhea at which point not only should your tattoos be blackened, but you should be black listed from the MC community if not forever but a minimum of a year.  While some may see this therapy as medieval in its practice, Stage V Cluborrhea is not treatable and thus more aggressive measures must be enacted. 

How do people get Cluborrhea?

 It's this authors opinion that Cluborrhea is a disease that is rooted in insecurity and either blossoms during the development stages of a persons life but once they enter the MC circuit, the disease incubates itself and manifests in the physical action of repeated club hopping.

Generally you can detect the person who will be affected by the disease very early on. For too many people, joining an MC is not about the love of the motorcycle nor is it about brotherhood which are the two primary anchors of why someone should be in a motorcycle club. These people who may or may not own a motorcycle join MC's for the social aspect of it which may include sex, parties and general socializing. These people are looking to expand their social network and that means  infiltrating a culture, in this case the MC culture, with a violent lack of respect, knowledge and love for not only the people who put it down before them, but the people putting it down now. 

Their ideals from the jump are wrong. They're the same people who rally against tradition and protocol and generally say, "I can do what I want" or "Who are they to tell me what to do." I have found in my research that TRUE bikers who do not agree with all the rules and traditions associated with motorcycle culture, will follow them because there is a love and respect for the culture that transcends whatever personal animus they may have to a particular rule. For example, being a woman in this MC thing has got to be difficult. Most traditionalists like myself will not temper a woman wearing the same rags nor would I ever consider joining an MC with women. Having said that, there are plenty of women in this community I respect as bikers and riders and I don't give a rat's ass that they are women.  I have to imagine many women find their "role" in the community as unacceptable or even "second class" but still adhere to the rules and traditions of the MC set not because they agree with it, but because they respect it. Because they are that way, I in turn respect them. These type of respectful women are not in line to be affected by Cluborrhea. 

Who is at risk for Cluborrhea?

 A person who joins an MC with no knowledge, respect and values of MC culture and protocol are at risk for Cluborrhea. People who join the circuit to party hop are not evaluating clubs based on anything to do with motorcycles, riding or brotherhood but rather a whole different set of criteria that could easily be applied to social clubs, fraternities, Tupperware gatherings and Friday night BINGO church clubs. They have nothing to do with motorcycles or the biker culture so they are most definitely at risk.

What also must be discussed are clubs who allow people with this disease to infiltrate their ranks. When someone is prospecting look at their background. A number of things can easily be determined. Look at the number of clubs that person has been in the last year to two years. If that number exceeds the year, then something is wrong. In other words, in one year that person has been in two clubs, then something is wrong. Yes, they could have chosen incorrectly twice but who's to say that you won't be the third wrong choice? An MC needs to find out what is that persons criteria (see above) because then they might see that the person they're prospecting is not in it for bikes or the MC culture but rather something all together different. 

I know of a rider who has been in two clubs and is currently prospecting for a third. He's done this over the course of five years so it's really not that bad. The problem however is both clubs he's no longer with have nothing but negative things to say about him. Worse, both clubs have alluded that this member has stolen money. Now the arrogance of his prospective new club President is so profound that he said and I quote, "He won't do that here." I was amazed. Basically this guy is willing to infect his club with a member who is easily afflicted with Clubhorrhea but I suppose because he wants the numbers, he's willing to take that chance.This is a case where an MC is incubating and helping spread Clubhorrhea instead of stamping it out. Proper protocol demands that this prospect be sat down and forced to answer any and all questions by the patched in members of the club he wants to join. If that prospect doesn't or can't answer the questions to the satisfaction of the people asking him, he should not be allowed into the club (club members should vote once the prospect or hang-a-long has been escorted out the room)

Cluborrhea is bred in one of the greatest and most fundamental flaws in MC's today and that's a lack of loyalty and commitment in both the club itself and the members they allow in. I have stressed to clubs that prospecting is supposed to be difficult. Prospecting is not supposed to be easy. Prospecting is supposed to test a person's commitment to a club and once they join that club, that grueling prospecting initiation prompts them to be more loyal to that club. Who in their right mind would go through a year of prospecting and then get into a club and drop their colors at the slightest hint of displeasure? It doesn't happen. After you've been through hell you're gonna stick it out with that club and make sure it lives up the principles that you had originally been sold on. Clubs today make prospecting as simple as sliding in and out of baby oiled whore and as a result, they court club whoring or the scientific term, Cluborrhea.  You ever notice how difficult it is to walk away from an OMC? Don't believe what you've seen on Gangland. It's not because members will track you down and slit your throat. It's because most members don't leave 'cause they went through too much hell to get in and instead of dropping their colors they'll step away to regroup and then re-engage. There is no club hopping in the OMC world because loyalty and commitment are treasured and revered. Non OMC clubs for the most part take this life as a lifeSTYLE and don't live the life thus loyalty and commitment aren't stressed as much and as a result, Cluborrhea begins to run rampant.

Prospective clubs need to do their research on probies just like jobs do when people interview. Have you called their references? In other words, have you reached out to their previous club(s) and spoken to them about their former member? Have you spoken to people in the community to see what kind of reputation they have? Do they have a reputation at all? Do they have a Facebook page and if they do, what kind of things are they posting and do you want this person representing your club? Do your own homework on prospective members and protect your club from people who suffer from Clubhorrhea. 

What are the symptoms of Cluborrhea? 

It requires some very basic observation and engagement. Do you have a member in your club right now who knows nothing about motorcycles? He or she barely rides their own bike? Do you have members who are amazingly clueless about motorcycle culture and politics and worse, they're not the slightest bit interested in learning more about it? These are some very basic symptoms of someone with the disease. If you profess yourself to be a motorcycle club, then why do you have someone in your club who isn't interested in biker culture or riding for that matter? They obviously have no love of the culture or bikes so again, why exactly are they in the club? This sort of dissociation from all things motorcycle also reveals itself in the form of these members being spiritually unable to ride long distances or insisting on showing up to bike events in cars. Please note I said "spiritually" unable and not physically. Long motorcycle rides with a club are truly spiritual events and when a member elects not to participate but is willing to jump into a car to attend a bike event, they clearly have Cuborrhea and they need to be expunged from the ranks. 

Another clear example of someone who suffers from the disease is a person who while unable to make bike events on a motorcycle seems to show up at each and every bike party regardless of bad or good weather (usually in a car) These people are as MC stable as a big woman break dancing on a thread. Again, they are not participating in the culture electing instead to be part of the social scene. You know the disease is especially strong within them because clearly these people belong in a social club but they insist on being in an MC because that's "more fun" and the MC moniker carries significantly more weight and respect than SC or AC. 

There are occasions when people have not demonstrated the classic symptoms but develop full blown out Cluborrhea. The other day we learned of a President/Founder who jumped ship from the very same club he founded to be part of another club. That other club not only took him in as an officer but they didn't make him prospect off the strength that this person was a President of his own club before coming over. This is what we call Stage IV Cluborrhea because it's affected not only the carrier of the disease but the people around him. His club was left in shambles.This is truly a devastating case of Cluborrhea.

  

What are the complications of Cluborrhea?

The complications from having this disease includes consistent unhappiness with each and every club that person is patched into. Every club will always be wrong to this person either because they don't go out enough, they don't throw enough parties or the one we hear of the most, "You take this motorcycle and MC thing too seriously." This severely diseased person will do their best to infect the club with their poison and unless the MC is a tightly knit unit cracks will appear in the chain. 

The best form of protection is to have is an MC condom around your club. Meaning, protect yourself by any means necessary from these people and the potential strife and division they'd bring to the club. Test a prospective members knowledge about MC culture. Really examine how often they ride and how they ride. That'll say alot about them as a rider. See if they'll do a distance ride and if so, how did they act on that ride. Did they appreciate the spiritual aspect of that ride and the potential to bond with their fellow club member. Did they complain about how uncomfortable they were and were they preoccupied with the destination as opposed to the travel getting there. All these things add to infecting club members and chip away at the solidarity of the club. You should never doubt the power of Cluborrhea and how it possesses the people afflicted by it. 

(Please note what we've noted above in terms of criteria for a club to evaluate a member is based on that club being a real MC and not an RC or in some cases a family club. We're referring to clubs where riding hard and long are mandatory and expected and habitual excuses as to why a person can't attend is not tolerated)

In conclusion we've identified, discussed and recommended treatments to combat Cluborrhea but it's up to the MC's out there to make these infected people swallow their medicine. We can't just accept people within our ranks just for numbers. Members in your MC should reflect quality and not just quantity. It's not about being the most repped at a trophy party. It's about being the best possible MC you can be. 


At this point this I do realize we are preaching because we are belaboring the point but this disease is an MC killer and like people who refuse to have safe sex choosing to roll the dice with each sexual encounter, MC's are rolling the dice by accepting these Cluborrhea infected parasites within their ranks. This needs to stop immediately.

My name is Dr. Preacha and I do make housecalls. Holla at me.

Thanks for reading.